saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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