um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
