and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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