my phone cant type all the emotion im having
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
