I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
