So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
