One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
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