someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
