I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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