i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
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