I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
