k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
