He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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