'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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