Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
