1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
