I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
