You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
