a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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