I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
It's never too late to be topless.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
