I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
