turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he fucked my hip out of place.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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