If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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