last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
this must be what syphilis tastes like
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
