she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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