whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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