I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
