last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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