She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
