Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
