you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
you inspire me to be a worse person
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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