party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Randomize
