I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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