maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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