put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
