Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
