Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
