I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
