Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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