I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
