Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
