I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
