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Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
