How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
