remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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