he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
