This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
