Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
