i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
