she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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