id be glad to
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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