I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
