sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
