i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Randomize
