Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
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