There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
